Title: Till the waiting's done
Pairing: Nishikido Ryo x Ohkura Tadayoshi
Genre: angst, romance, lime
Rating: PG-13 (a little NC-17ish at the end, but not much)
Summary: There are times in which Ryo doubts whether he'll be able to wait for Ohkura to realize what he has been denying.
Notes: One of the two fics I've written for my beloved nee-san's birthday. OMEDETO, ary666 ! This is the OhRyo fic you asked me to write a few months ago, with slutty Ohkura and pissed Ryo demanding his attention, based on the sentence "I'm not gonna stand here and wait for you." I think I did it well in the angst part, but I'm not quite satisfied with the way I wrote Ryo and Ohkura. I think the other fic I wrote is much better XD Anyway, I hope you like it! ♥♥
UN-BETAED. Lots of mistakes ahead.
How Ryo ended going to Ohkura's place instead of his own place, around half an hour after the rehearsal was over, he didn't really know. What he did know was that, if that day he had been more distracted than usual and couldn't keep focused for more than two minutes, it certainly wasn't his fault. No, it wasn't his fault if he wasn't made of rock and couldn't stand everything, acting as if he didn't care when something was already aching too hard inside of his chest. It was Ohkura who thought he could play around with others at any time in front of Ryo's eyes, just as if nothing mattered. He was always that carefree, though.
After all, following those stupid rules wasn't as easy as it seemed to Ryo at the start.
He caught a glimpse of someone very familiar leaving the apartment block seconds before he came into the building, and thought it was going too far, sighing. Ohkura was never satisfied, was he? He always took home what he started at work, except Ryo, ironically. Ryo decided not to stop and say good evening to that person he just saw; it would be awkward for both of them, even when the next day they were supposed to face each other and work together as usual.
Ryo ducked his head and ran upstairs, his heart beating unusually faster. The door of the apartment was still a bit open. Through the gap, Ryo could see how Ohkura, naked, bent down to get his underwear back. Ryo didn't wait for him to finish putting it back on and closed the door with a slam after coming inside. Ohkura didn't bat an eyelash when he sensed his presence, and continued picking up his clothes from the floor. He examined a bright blue thong and decided it wasn't his, throwing it inside the bag he'd take to work the following day.
“I believed you were better at staying cool,” Ohkura said, looking at him from the corner of his eyes, “since you’re such a good actor.”
Ryo took a hesitant step towards him, his hands closed in two shaking fists. He was struggling with himself to resist the impulse to silence Ohkura’s voice, to prevent his sharp tongue –even sharper than Ryo’s- from saying the usual cutting words and tie him up with his lips. Ohkura smiled and turned around to face him, his whole body giving out heat, skin glistening with sweat, muscles still tense from the exercise done minutes before. That thought made Ryo shiver, and he soon felt his temples throbbing with rage. Ohkura was so close, in front of him, and yet so out of reach… He was like the tide of a rebellious sea; a tide that swept Ryo away hopelessly every time he was near. And then, for the first time, he felt he was drowning in those waters.
“I can’t hold it inside forever,” he hissed, fixing his eyes on Ohkura's.
There was a word that perfectly described what Ryo felt in that moment, but he couldn't find it. At first, he thought he was upset. Lately, begging for it had been the only way of getting Ohkura's attention, and Ryo hated doing that so much. However, that afternoon it was different. No, he wasn’t even upset; the right word to describe his feeling, he discovered as he walked into the room, getting closer to Ohkura –who turned his face away just before Ryo's lips touched his, his eyes half-closed with a brief and sudden discomfort-, the right word was one that could describe a mixture of nervousness, anxiety and, over all, an urge to own Ohkura, to have him all for himself and not giving him over to anyone else.
But that, unfortunately, wasn't his decision.
“I told you. You know what I’ll give you and what I won’t. Everybody knows. You don’t have the right to get angry at me.” Ohkura muttered in his ear, staring at the floor.
Jealousy: that was the word. It hit Ryo on the face while Ohkura’s sentences echoed in his mind and he found other ones from months ago that meant the same. He lowered his head and shook it. Of course... he was perfectly aware of the rules, the damn rules Ohkura was so proud of. But, oh, fuck the rules. Enough already. Ohkura had warned him at the beginning, yes, Ohkura was playing fair. But who was to blame? Ryo, for being a person who could fall in love, like any other person? Perhaps, if Ohkura hadn’t made him feel special, inviting him to his apartment to do other things, accepting the many times he had asked him out, acting as if something different was going on between them, he wouldn’t have been under those illusions. Maybe he would have been happy playing that stupid game in which feelings didn't have the slightest importance. Or maybe it was inevitable.
But no, Ohkura Tadayoshi couldn't let himself be loved by anyone. He only wanted to be made love - the golden rule.
“Don't think we're together,” Ohkura had said that night, his voice vibrating under the messy sheets, against Ryo's back, “and don't expect me to be faithful to you. It's nothing personal; I'm mine, you're yours, and that's all.”
Ryo frowned, looking at Ohkura's careless expression. He was just having fun, Ryo knew. Those kind of dramas didn't suit him well, or he was just rejecting his role. Ryo wanted to accept that things had to be that way, Ohkura's way. It had been like that for the past six months, but now he had this feeling that Ohkura had been cheating, changing the rules to fit his own selfish wishes, deliberately ignoring Ryo's feelings. And now, Ohkura was the only one still playing the game, watching as Ryo gradually lost his patience.
Even if he didn't think so or didn't want to look at it like that, Ryo had the right to get angry at him, because he cared about Ohkura more than anyone else. That was the reason because those rules were useless now – because it had gone further between them, it hurt, and Ohkura insisted in pretending Ryo was like any other person to avoid the pain, when they both knew it wasn't the same anymore. He was afraid. Yes, he was afraid of being honest and facing the same rage Ryo was feeling in that moment, the uncertainty when they were apart, or the loneliness every time he needed him and Ohkura slipped through his fingers.
Ohkura just picked a shower towel and left the room, brushing Ryo's shoulder with indifference. Ryo turned around and chased after him through the corridor, grabbing his arm. Ohkura frowned and asked him to let go in a soft but firm voice.
“Don’t you ever feel lonely?” Ryo said, arching his eyebrows. “Don’t you think you will have to settle down someday?”
Ohkura didn't answer. Ryo sighed. So, everything was already said. Whether he wanted to share him with anyone else he fancied hooking up with, or just letting him go, that was Ryo's choice. Ohkura wouldn't give him more options. Trying to make him change his attitude was a stupid battle, already lost. Ryo knew, but still couldn’t surrender.
“I’m never alone, Ryo,” Ohkura said, smirking. “And when the time to stop having fun comes, I’m sure I’ll find someone around.”
Ryo went back to the living room and had a last peek at the blue thong, sticking out of Ohkura's bag, leaning on a chair. If that made him happy, there was nothing left to do... apart from waiting for him to realize. How long could it take? Ryo would be able to stand it a few more weeks, maybe several months, if Ohkura didn’t keep being that cold and unpleasant towards him and that nice and lovely towards the others. He was already tired of that. That was how he felt, and that was his decision. He wasn't that sure, but what was left to do now?
“Good luck,” Ryo whispered, heading to the front door, “I think I'm not gonna stand here and wait for you if it’s too long.”
However, even before the tip of his fingers touched the door knob, he was stopped by Ohkura's arms. Ryo felt the wetness of his body through the back of his shirt, and let his arms fall at both sides. Ohkura buried his face in Ryo's hair and breathed its smell in, his hands closing around Ryo's shoulders, making the embrace tighter. Ryo closed his eyes, confused but incapable of rejecting his movements, that tickling on his nape. What was that about? Ohkura spoke at the same moment Ryo was gathering the little will he had to leave then.
“Stay... please” he told him. If it was referring to now or forever, he didn’t say. However, Ryo was surprised to find a bit of affection in those words. He gulped. “But don’t get too sore,” Ohkura turned him around and ran his thumb through Ryo's lips, a spark of worry in his eyes, avoiding Ryo's, “or you’ll end up being in despair, and it's going to be my fault. Just-”
Wait for me, Ryo thought he heard last before Ohkura kissed his lips. Ryo felt a sort of warmth, unknown until then, inside that kiss. It was like a message, like a silent answer to his questions, like a soft but perceptible plea. He found himself returning it with pleasure, exploring the places that, though he didn't know, Ohkura only let Ryo's tongue explore. Then, without saying anything else, he let Ohkura lead him to the bathroom, undressing him little by little on their way, small kisses all around his naked skin.
Ryo’s main problem was having always been that helpless when it came to Ohkura’s way of asking for things.
They went together into the shower and made up with each other under the water, washing away Ryo's doubts, Ohkura's fear, and everything else that wasn't necessary right then, as easily as Ryo had got upset. Ryo's tears finally came out when Ohkura got inside of him, filling him up, giving him the confidence he had missed so much, making him feel actually good. His whole body trembled with relief and he moaned out loud when everything came out, at last. However, he only felt there was a possibility, even if it was a remote one, for things to change when Ohkura repeated those words in a whisper.
“Wait for me. It's a promise.”