Title: Delusions (or six things we once felt)
Pairings: Yamashita Tomohisa x Koyama Keiichiro, Nishikido Ryo x Tegoshi Yuya, Koyama Keiichiro x Nishikido Ryo, Kato Shigeaki x Masuda Takahisa, Tegoshi Yuya x Yamashita Tomohisa, Masuda Takahisa x Kato Shigeaki
Genre: romance, angst, crack
Summary: Six drabbles around the feelings each member of NewS has or had once for another member.
Notes: While searching for inspiration last week, I wrote my first batch of NewS drabbles. They're all kind of angsty, some more than others, but well. Because I couldn't come with any ideas out of the blue, I just picked a piece of paper, wrote the names of the members and some topics I'd like to write about on it and linked everything with random numbers XD That's how these crack pairings came out. Besides, as I still didn't have any idea for some of them, then I selected six bits of the lyrics of some songs in a CD a friend lent me (she's a big Grey's Anatomy fan, and the songs are mainly taken from her favourite episode in season five LOL). Ah, and the extension ranges from 120 to 250 words.
#1 – Impossible?
Yamashita Tomohisa x Koyama Keiichiro
“Sometimes we gotta fight
So don't you complain
Cause I never promised this
Would be easy, babe”
Rise up, Ben Lee
It wasn't easy at all. Becoming the most important person for the one he loved, knowing there were other four people whom he loved in the same way, was harder than it looked. However, Yamapi's will was strong enough. Or so he thought.
At first, he believed it'd be a matter of time. Slowly, step by step, he'd get closer to Kei-chan, even closer than they were already. Giving things the right time, if Kei-chan let him enter his heart, everything would go smoothly. That was, providing that nobody else stole Kei-chan from him.
“Shige has moved to his place.”
Yamapi just wished that everything wasn't over then, though a race against what seemed impossible had begun.
#2 – Tearful drive
Nishikido Ryo x Tegoshi Yuya
“Pride can stand a thousand trials
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without you my soul cried.
Heaving heart is full of pain”
Kissing you, Des'ree
A devious brat; that was what Tegoshi was. So showed his face, and so tasted his lips as well. Outside, he only waited for the words he wanted to hear, though inside he always knew it was painful for Ryo. If he had observed him enough, if he had watched Ryo's doubtful, almost insignificant movements, which sure he had - he always was keeping track of everyone else's actions-, or simply paid attention to his low-voiced comments when they were alone together, it would mean that he already knew. He just didn't like playing fairly. He selfishly preferred playing under his own rules.
Before that, Ryo thought it'd be fine to speak to Tegoshi, leaving apart his own ego, his shyness, his acting as if he wasn't interested. But that night, that damn night, everything went wrong in a single second. Taking it too seriously was Ryo's mistake. His hope grew and died at the same moment - the moment Tegoshi kissed him and then left without explanation, blowing his expectations and ruining his feelings.
For that, for Tegoshi's enigmatic smile that would never give Ryo a clear answer, for his evasive eyes that didn't look at him anymore, Ryo hated to cry. But he cried, even in his car while he drove home, because, from the bottom of his heart, he couldn't help loving him.
#3 – Rainy nights
Koyama Keiichiro x Nishikido Ryo
“We see what we want to
We do what we need to...
I could spend the rest of my days
Playing to what might have been”
We do what we want to, O+S
He does it unconsciously, though he really wants to stop yet. Koyama arrives home in the middle of the storm and leaves the umbrella he cautiously took with him this morning next to the door, instead of putting it in some better place where it could dry.
He knows that somebody else will need it – the only person who'd come to his place for nothing more than a shelter. He thinks, as he makes himself some coffee, that days like this usually get Ryo down, and he won't probably be in the mood to stay for a while.
Anyway, Koyama won't be the one comforting Ryo. As usual, he has to be content with just waiting for him, listening quietly to his short rant, and then watching from the window as Ryo runs through the street with his umbrella. So, at rainy nights, it's only Koyama who sheds tears alone.
#4 – A sad dream
Kato Shigeaki x Masuda Takahisa
“And my bed is on the floor, yes
My bed is on the floor
Of one of the ones I often dreamt of
With the notes on my ears”
With the notes on my ears, Peter Broderick
One morning, when Shige opened his eyes, they were wet with tears. That surprised him, because he hadn't cried since 2004, one year after NewS debuted. Back then, though he tried to hide it, he sometimes felt so upset because of how things turned out that he would burst into tears during rehearsals. He had been so naive as a teenager that it was embarrassing to only think of it now that he was an adult.
However, dreaming about it wasn't embarrassing, but sad. It made Shige's whole body pour with sweat, his mouth dry, and his throat sore. Something that had come right from the bottom of his memories took rid of his dreams and filled his chest with some warmth he had missed so much. It was Massu, the Massu he once loved; Massu, offering his hand for Shige to cling on, his shoulder for him to cry on, his smile for him to rely on.
He remained sitting on the edge of his bed. The floor was cold below his feet. He took some tissues and wiped his face as he pressed the play button of his music player. Massu's voice was so saddening on his ears...
#5 – Your stare
Tegoshi Yuya x Yamashita Tomohisa
“I feel my feelings won't speak
The words will be taken upon the breeze
The wind is always blowing”
Little pieces, Gomez
Tegoshi, despite being so straightforward in his behavior and speech, is the type who prefers to hear things told by other people rather than saying them himself. It's the way he has to be sure that everybody else acknowledges him, that everything is real. This is the reason why, every time Yamapi stares at him like that, like saying “Wow, Tegoshi, you've gotten a lot better!”, it makes him all happy and excited. More than that, it makes him feel able to get even better.
Ever since he met him, he has looked up to Yamapi. However, the way Tegoshi is, not only he wants to reach his status, but he also awaits the day Yamapi will fall for him. Tegoshi doesn't want to confess himself; he wants to become a person Yamapi would confess to. And this ambition is so high that, even when he knows right now there isn't a place for him in Yamapi's heart yet, he slightly smiles back at his stare, maybe blushes a bit, and then goes on singing.
Though his acts may end up revealing his feelings one day, Tegoshi hopes that Yamapi doesn't realize until he's ready to show it without resorting to words. But, before that day arrives, Tegoshi feels he still has to blot out the traces of his doubts and be capable of shining the way Yamapi shines upon him. Only then, he'll be able to return that stare and hold it, like answering “It's all thanks to you”.
#6 – Short message
Masuda Takahisa/Kato Shigeaki
“I'm not ready
For the weight of us
For the weight of all of us”
The weight of us, Sanders Bohlke
At 2 a. m., the day after Shige's confession, Massu was still thinking of a reply. He wasn't just afraid of hurting Shige, but also of hurting himself. His feelings weren't clear, either. Things with Shige, up to then, seemed just fine, though Massu admitted being a bit blind when it came to love-related things. The few girls that had confessed to him somehow ended up disappearing of his life. Maybe it was his entire fault, or maybe not. He didn't get to see how they felt after getting dumped.
But this time it wasn't any schoolgirl. It was Shige, and it was NewS. If there was something he knew for sure, it was that he didn't want things to change. He didn't want to lose Shige, above all. In a certain way, he also loved him, though he didn't dare to say it out loud. Not yet. Finally, he reached for his cell phone, wrote a new message and sent it to Shige.
“Sorry. I'll see you tomorrow.”